Life... so many choices and so many hard decisions.
It's amazing how much my mindset on life has changed over the past couple of months. For the past year or two when someone would ask me where I saw myself in 10 years I'd answer either working for a news station or working on Christian movies. If someone asked me today where I see myself in 10 years, I really don't know. In fact, I don't even know where I see myself next year.
My senior year of high school I started spending every day with the special needs students at LSHS, and it was something I looked forward to every day. It was very hard some days, and other days it was the time of my life. Since then, I've so strongly felt a calling towards that field. For a while I thought I wanted to make films about people with special needs, then I started thinking about training special needs actors. I love film, I love being around it and all that, but can I do it every day of my life? That, I don't know. The main part I like is coming up with the ideas. I like the brainstorming and then coming up with an idea and a plan for a project. So a producer. But is that really what I want to do every day?? And how does working with people with special needs go with that??

Ugh. I just wish that God could be like "Hey LJ, I love you, here's what I want you to do with your life." But he won't. And as much as I pray about it he will never just say that to me. It comes down to me looking for his signs every single day in everything I do. That's so easy to forget; it really is. I wish it was all simple, but it's not.
It's like, right now I have apple pie, but across the street is cherry pie. I like both of them, but apple pie comes with vanilla ice cream and cherry pie comes with whipped cream. Either way I go I'll be happy. How do I decide that? I can't. I love apple pie, I've always loved apple pie and it just tastes so good... but cherry pie has something that apple pie doesn't. But I can't betray my beloved apple pie. I wish I could make an apple-cherry pie like Ron East does every year at the Longview Chapel Thanksgiving bake sale. Maybe I can. Maybe I can make it so I can have an apple-cherry pie. I don't want to tell you all what this really means because quite honestly I'm just rambling and ranting about things on my mind that I need to let out.
I'm sure everything will work out fine... well of course it will. I just have a lot on my mind tonight from everything that's happened these first few months of school. I don't know where my life is headed exactly, but I know that it's in a good direction and that God will lead me. I just have to trust Him and follow Him and everything will work out perfectly.

Well, I probably ought to get to bed now since I'm running in the morning.
I appreciate all prayers so feel free :)

LJ