Life... so many choices and so many hard decisions.
It's amazing how much my mindset on life has changed over the past couple of months. For the past year or two when someone would ask me where I saw myself in 10 years I'd answer either working for a news station or working on Christian movies. If someone asked me today where I see myself in 10 years, I really don't know. In fact, I don't even know where I see myself next year.
My senior year of high school I started spending every day with the special needs students at LSHS, and it was something I looked forward to every day. It was very hard some days, and other days it was the time of my life. Since then, I've so strongly felt a calling towards that field. For a while I thought I wanted to make films about people with special needs, then I started thinking about training special needs actors. I love film, I love being around it and all that, but can I do it every day of my life? That, I don't know. The main part I like is coming up with the ideas. I like the brainstorming and then coming up with an idea and a plan for a project. So a producer. But is that really what I want to do every day?? And how does working with people with special needs go with that??

Ugh. I just wish that God could be like "Hey LJ, I love you, here's what I want you to do with your life." But he won't. And as much as I pray about it he will never just say that to me. It comes down to me looking for his signs every single day in everything I do. That's so easy to forget; it really is. I wish it was all simple, but it's not.
It's like, right now I have apple pie, but across the street is cherry pie. I like both of them, but apple pie comes with vanilla ice cream and cherry pie comes with whipped cream. Either way I go I'll be happy. How do I decide that? I can't. I love apple pie, I've always loved apple pie and it just tastes so good... but cherry pie has something that apple pie doesn't. But I can't betray my beloved apple pie. I wish I could make an apple-cherry pie like Ron East does every year at the Longview Chapel Thanksgiving bake sale. Maybe I can. Maybe I can make it so I can have an apple-cherry pie. I don't want to tell you all what this really means because quite honestly I'm just rambling and ranting about things on my mind that I need to let out.
I'm sure everything will work out fine... well of course it will. I just have a lot on my mind tonight from everything that's happened these first few months of school. I don't know where my life is headed exactly, but I know that it's in a good direction and that God will lead me. I just have to trust Him and follow Him and everything will work out perfectly.

Well, I probably ought to get to bed now since I'm running in the morning.
I appreciate all prayers so feel free :)

LJ

Harry Potter

So many people ask me why I love Harry Potter so much... well... honestly, I don't know.

Two of my very favorite movies when I was a child were Matilda and A Little Princess. If you haven't seen these movies, I will inform you of why I think they probably play a part in my love for Harry Potter. Both of these movies had magic in them. Matilda was a magical little girl who was incredibly intelligent and could do magic just by thinking about what she wanted to happen (no wands!). In the other movie, the young girl, Sara encounters some magic from a neighbor at the boarding school she attends in England. 

I guess that could be a factor as to why I love Harry Potter so much. Not to mention that I adore English accents.

I've always been fascinated by fantasy. When reading Harry Potter, even as a child, I would immerse myself in the world of Harry Potter and let it completely consume all of my thoughts and imagination. I was mesmerized by the stories and the dream-like world of it all. I wanted to go to Hogwarts... in fact, I wanted to be Hermione. When the movies came out, all of the dreams and images I had created inside my head while reading came to life... and better than I had even imagined them. It was like I was able to really see this world that I so longed to be in. Don't get me wrong, I love the world I'm in, and I'm quite content, but this world was so...magical :)

To see this world of dreams come to life was like nothing I can even describe. I've been sitting here for quite a few moments trying to think of some sort of analogy I could compare it to, but it's truly something indescribable. 

I love the idea of magic; I don't even think I would like it as much if it were real. It's something I don't know and will never know, and that makes it exciting and exhilarating to me. I love letting myself get all immersed in the stories and letting myself believe for just a moment that it's real and that I'm there. 

But in the end, if I were really there I'd probably be dreaming of being where I am now; where I am now is exactly where I want to be (since I can't go to Hogwarts and study magic with Harry, Ron and Hermione :) )

LJ

Birthday Things

I have mixed thoughts about being 19. On one hand, I can't believe that I'm 19 years into my life, but at the same time it's hard to believe I'm ONLY 19 years into my life. Is 19 a lot of years? I don't feel like it is, but then again I do. Curious.
I've got some pretty stinking awesome roomies though... They surprised me last night with a cardboard cutout of Dobby from Harry Potter :) I couldn't even believe it! I STILL can't believe it! We had passed his little cutout probably 5 times and I always joked about how cute it was and all, and now I have one! Crazy.
I have been at school for almost 2 months. It's flown by, but at the same time it feels like I have been here for ages. It seems as though I don't have a very good understanding of time. Ha!
So many people have been asking me what I want for my birthday, and I feel so blessed to have the question be what do you WANT, not what do you NEED. There is nothing I need. I have everything I could need, and for that matter, want. I came up with a few things that I could definitely use, but I could also live without. How blessed I truly am.
I love my family, my friends, my God. But on the subject of love, I must say that as I daily continue to seek the Lord and strengthen my relationship with Him, I have found that love itself is something as un-grasp-able (HA!) as God is. It's often quoted that love is like the wind- you can't see it, but you can feel it. I think there's another reason it could be like wind, because wind is always changing- getting stronger and such, just like love. Plus, there's never an end to wind, there's always just a little bit no matter what or where. Love is also like space, it just goes on forever and ever, more than any human can ever find out. Ah, love. What a joyous gift God has blessed us with.

I guess I just decided to ramble a little on this one, I hope you enjoyed it.

LJ :)