I decided that since I had started a new year, I am at a new school, and since I feel like a different person, growing every single day, that I should start a new blog to coincide with this new life.
Please follow it- http://greatstormsbrightrainbows.blogspot.com/
I probably will not be using this blog anymore.
Thanks :)
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Joplin.
What a long, sobering day it was. I don't think I have ever seen so much devastation, yet so much hope. It has been 9 months since the 3 minute and 14 second tornado swept away buildings, houses, and lives. The amount of debris was completely overwhelming; to be inside of the middle school and see sheet music, ruined books, clothes, ventilation systems, wires, shattered windows and floors, desks missing drawers... everything... and then drive 6 miles away to the other side of town and see the hospital... with it's shattered windows, broken buildings, entire floors destroyed, sheets hanging out of the windows, etc. completely on opposites ends of town, yet both completely destroyed; to see the high school with absolutely nothing but ruins and debris; to hear the stories of people who lived through the tornado, who survived the eye... it was all so very, overwhelming. The stories were incredible, but not nearly as incredible as the people; people who risked their own lives to protect their loved ones; people who had to see people dead, and people dying, right in front of them; people who saved lives. I just can't even come up with the words to describe the experience I had in Joplin. Though we were only there for 9 hours or so, those 9 hours were so packed with life changing experiences.
I honestly don't know what to say about it.... it was just... wow. I think we all walked away knowing that, at any moment, 3 minutes and 14 seconds can change thousands of lives, forever. We learned to live for the moment and to never forget that our lives can be taken away at any moment. We learned that home isn't about a house, or what you have... it's about being with the people you love.
The Lord blessed Joplin, really. Although they were in the midst of devastation, God saved hundreds and hundreds of lives through timing. All of the hundreds and hundreds of people were at the high school graduation at the college, rather than the high school... for the first time ever. If they had been at the high school like originally planned, they all would have died. There were so many others ways that God made the timing bless Joplin... but what was incredible to me was seeing the HUGE cross, still standing where the church was not. Surrounded originally by debris, and now by nothing, this (what, 30 ft tall?) cross was standing strong. The Lord's hands were protecting Joplin, keeping so many people alive who may not have been had the tornado been an hour earlier or an hour later.
I am truly stunned by everything that happened yesterday. I have absolutely no words to describe it, but I can say that I am so very thankful to have had that experience, and even more grateful to have been able to help out down there.
Thank you to Chris Moreno and Dianne Lynch for helping me make the trip happen. It was life changing. Since I can't find the words to talk about Joplin, here are photos; after all, a photo is worth 1,000 words, right?
I honestly don't know what to say about it.... it was just... wow. I think we all walked away knowing that, at any moment, 3 minutes and 14 seconds can change thousands of lives, forever. We learned to live for the moment and to never forget that our lives can be taken away at any moment. We learned that home isn't about a house, or what you have... it's about being with the people you love.
The Lord blessed Joplin, really. Although they were in the midst of devastation, God saved hundreds and hundreds of lives through timing. All of the hundreds and hundreds of people were at the high school graduation at the college, rather than the high school... for the first time ever. If they had been at the high school like originally planned, they all would have died. There were so many others ways that God made the timing bless Joplin... but what was incredible to me was seeing the HUGE cross, still standing where the church was not. Surrounded originally by debris, and now by nothing, this (what, 30 ft tall?) cross was standing strong. The Lord's hands were protecting Joplin, keeping so many people alive who may not have been had the tornado been an hour earlier or an hour later.
I am truly stunned by everything that happened yesterday. I have absolutely no words to describe it, but I can say that I am so very thankful to have had that experience, and even more grateful to have been able to help out down there.
Thank you to Chris Moreno and Dianne Lynch for helping me make the trip happen. It was life changing. Since I can't find the words to talk about Joplin, here are photos; after all, a photo is worth 1,000 words, right?
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The Rainbow Bridge
What a hard week this has been... and it's only Tuesday.
The Bible talks about Ebenezers, and the word literally means "stone of help". It is referred to as a place of worship, a place that reminds us of God's Holy presence and help. I think that most would agree with me when I say that Ebenezer the donkey was definitely a "stone of help".
I remember the first time I heard about Ebe. It was 2009 and he was published in a newspaper article or on the news or something of that sort, and Nino and Nina decided they wanted to help this little guy raise funds for veterinary bills. Over the course of a few months in which Ebe was in an equine clinic, Nino and Nina spent countless hours with Randy and Shirley and Ebe's other caretakers, building him a new barn, fencing his land, and getting it all ready for his homecoming. When Ebe was finally able to come home, there are no words to explain how happy he must have been to see his new, spacious barn, and how frustrated he was that he couldn't go outside when it was wet or roam all of his land anymore. His ornery attitude came out and he popped his head out of the chicken window of his barn in frustration... but it sure was a cute sight :)
I remember the first time I met Ebenezer. I couldn't believe how bright and full his personality was. Even though he couldn't speak English, anyone would agree that Ebe talked through his eyes. You just knew what he was feeling, what he wanted to say to you. It's almost strange how well he connected with humans. In one sense, he had a very old soul, but at the same time he was still a child, ornery and playful.
Oh and the first time I heard him bray and saw him run! What a funny thing. But I absolutely adored it. It completely made my day, and I'll never forget it.
I love his soft fur, his big eyes, his funny run, his big ears, his George Washington teeth, his short legs, the cross on his back, his leg warmers, his head-butt that could literally knock you off your feet, his silly grunts, his protectiveness of his food, his love for animal crackers, his floppy tail.... his beautiful soul.
Ebe would listen to anything you had to say, no judgement. He was an inspiration to people simply by the fact that he was a 33 year old donkey living off Main Street in Grandview. Something about his personality just sucked you in.... made you love him forever.
Ebenezer brought an entire community together. The big guy has almost 450 friends on Facebook! And I'm sure there are many people out there who don't even know he has a Facebook that would want to be his friend! It is amazing to read all of the wall posts he gets... people who knew him when they were children, people who drive by his barn every day, people who absolutely adore him and love him. I don't know how anyone could not love him. Even people who haven't met him in person love him, because he is an inspiration. He lived through over 3 decades of harsh Missouri weather, making friends with deer and hating raccoons. Nino told me he once went out to Ebe's to let him out in the morning, and when he arrived there were deer just feet away from the barn, watching over Ebe, keeping him safe. I also heard that the night of his passing, deer surrounded his barn to say goodbye, even with the humans there.
I honestly think he kind of saved my family. We had just lost our dog and cat, and we were all so broken and upset, and then all of a sudden I hear we now have a pet donkey! He mended our broken hearts and filled our voids with love. I don't know what we would have done if it weren't for him.
He has changed so many people's lives and I believe that even after his death he will continue to do so.
He was euthanized late Sunday night. At the time, I was driving back to Columbia and all I could do was cry. I am so happy for him, that he was able to escape the pain and suffering he had endured for so long now, but I know that he will miss all of us just as much as we miss him. It is comforting to know that he is watching us from over the Rainbow Bridge.
Ebenezer's death has affected me even more than I thought it would. What he meant to so many people, and what he meant to me- that's what is so upsetting. I'm so happy for him to be pain free and roam never-ending pastures, but he will be so greatly missed.
To add to that, today I lost my beautiful dog, Missy (aka Doodlebug). It is good to know that Ebe was waiting for her to greet her and show her the ropes. I'm sure they're getting along great... they're both the same- stubborn, ornery, sweet, and extremely lovable. I have lost so many incredible pets in my life... Elliott was the first, (I also had a few hamsters and fish, as well as a not-so-nice cat named Lizzy), then Popeye, then Ally Boy, then Darcy, and now Ebe and Doodlebug.
Missy was such a sweet soul. When we first got her, my dad had been driving on Todd George in LS, it was pouring down rain (the phrase "it's raining cats and dogs" really applies here), there were quite a few cars stopped to get the attention of this soaking wet Shih Tzu, but as soon as my dad stepped out of the car and began to demand her attention, she ignored everyone else and ran right up to him. After no responses from shelters, she was our's forever. She had clearly had a tough life, probably being used for breeding and being dumped when she wasn't producing big litters anymore. She also suffered quite a lot of health problems, including cataracts, eye infections, multiple abdominal tumors (and surgeries), and cancer. She was so tough, and so undeniably sweet. She almost never barked unless we left her outside too long, she would always greet us when we got home with a wagging tail and utter joy. She was a complete princess (and I'm sure is now in Heaven too!), and she wanted everyone to know :) She listened to me sing, cry, yell, and ramble on... and she never judged or left, she always just stayed right there with me and listened. The pets that I have been blessed with have all had such an amazing love for us, and it always warmed my heart when they would come up and lay with me when I was sick. Missy always did that. She would stay with me all day long when I was sick, taking care of me. I loved watching her run up and down the fence with the nieghbors' dogs; she was always so funny about it. She always wanted to be faster than them, but she was always the smallest. She still made it known that she was the best, no matter what!
She was my baby. Sissy's girl... that's what I always called her.
No pet can ever be replaced. They each have their own undying spirit and personality, and sometimes I think they have better personalities than many humans. I have no doubt that they have gone to Heaven. God loves all of His creatures, and they are so pure, sweet, kind and loving, dependent but free spirited too. I'll see them again someday, I know I will. People can say that they won't go to Heaven, but I know better. They love you unconditionally, just like God. They forgive you when you leave them at home all day and ignore them, they take care of you when you're sad or sick, they give you joy when you are desperately unhappy, they remain loyal to you... forever.
I'm going to miss Ebe and Doodlebug so much.... just like all of the other amazing pets I've lost. But I am happy knowing that they are finally out of pain; they were both suffering so badly for so long. I know they're having fun, running around with all of the other animals, chasing each other and getting an abundance of treats. I love them, and I look forward to the day that I see them again.
There are a few songs that have been helping me get through this... "Better is One Day" "Praise You in This Storm"... and "Safe and Sound" (by Taylor Swift). I am singing it to them.... to comfort them, so they know it's okay to leave me. The lyrics... "Hold on to this lullaby, even when the music is gone... Just close your eyes, the sun is going down; you'll be alright, no one can hurt you now; Come morning light, you and I will be safe and sound."
Rest In Peace my sweet friends, my family. I love you and miss you.
...Until we meet again...
LJ
PS. I didn't include pictures of Popeye or Elliott because I don't have any on my computer, unfortunately. Sorry. (top one- Missy, Ebe, Darcy, and Ally Boy)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
It's Been A While.
Well, it has been quite some time since my last blog post, huh?
There is so much to say, so much to talk about!!
Some of you may or may not know, but I have decided to transfer to Columbia College, (Yes, it's only 2000 feet away from Stephens!). My senior year of high school I had the privilege of working in the LifeSkills room at LSHS, and that was one of the most life changing experiences I have ever had. It was the highlight of my day, everyday. Sure, some days were hard and frustrating, but the rewards were... incredible. To see when students would have good days or even have breakthroughs on something were some of the most inspiring, amazing moments of my life. I love the students in that room, and I do think that some of them love me. I enjoyed spending time with the Paras and teachers, and they were so inspirational to me. It was unbelievably emotional for me to say goodbye to all of them at the end of the year, and I couldn't even contain my tears. I cried giving hugs, I cried saying goodbye, and I cried when I got home after. I knew that it was something that I truly loved and enjoyed, but I had already made up my mind that I was going to go to Stephens for filmmaking.
Over Thanksgiving break last semester, I had really been wondering if film was what I really wanted to do with my life, and I just kept praying to God that He show me a sign of what I was supposed to do. I had planned to go back and see the students in the LifeSkills room, but I was so scared that some of them wouldn't remember me, which was definitely a possibility. When I got there, the students that I had expected to not remember me totally did, and it was so great to hug them again and talk with them and just see smiles! I knew, at that moment, that I wanted to do that for the rest of my life, and I knew that that was the sign I was looking for.
When I came back to Stephens, I decided I was going to start taking education classes here. They offer certification in Elementary and Early Childhood education. I knew that I didn't want to be an elementary school teacher or work in early childhood care, but I figured that was the closest I would get. After talking with professors from SC, Coach Twenter (who is one of the head teachers of the LifeSkills room), a woman who hires for Columbia Public Schools (who actually went to Stephens), my family, my friends, and anyone else I could talk to, I was really sure that Columbia College was going to be the best school for me to go to in order to do what I really wanted.
I began looking into it, but I really wasn't sure if I was ready to transfer to another school. I have now met with some really awesome education professors from CC, I've met with admissions and financial aid, I've toured the campus multiple times, I've met with the XC coach, and I've made some good friends in administration, which has led me to the decision to transfer. They have offered me a complete full ride, and the facilities are AMAZING. The school is so nice and beautiful and all of the professors and coaches have such a passion for what they do, and I was genuinely impressed by EVERYTHING. I literally could not find a SINGLE thing that I did not love about the school. It's perfect for me.
It's been a really hard decision, and it's taken me a long time to come to terms with it, but I can say now that I am so happy about my decision, and I'm very excited to get started on building my future. I couldn't be happier, and I have really felt that God is guiding me in this decision, and I know that I've chosen correctly. I am so excited to see God's plan for me, and I'm so glad that I've finally been able to really come to terms with what God wants for me and what I want for myself. This experience has made me so much closer in my relationship with God; relying on Him, trusting Him, having constant conversations with Him, seeing Him in everything I do and everywhere I go, and just finally being able to accept that God's plan for me isn't always clear, and I am going to have to try different things throughout my life to really see where He is guiding me. It's been a true blessing to go through all of this, even if it was hard and emotional. I am so thankful that my friends and family have been so supportive (I don't know what I would do without you guys!), and I look forward to what is to come!
But first... I have to finish off this year :) It has been so busy and stressful, but I know I'll be okay. After all, one of my favorite sayings is, "When life gets too hard to stand... KNEEL." AMEN.
I hope all is well with everyone, and I hope everyone enjoyed last week's beautiful weather here in Missouri! Not looking so pretty right now (it's snowing :-/ ) but hey, it could definitely be a lot worse!
In the wise words of Ellen Degeneres... Be kind to each other :)
There is so much to say, so much to talk about!!
Some of you may or may not know, but I have decided to transfer to Columbia College, (Yes, it's only 2000 feet away from Stephens!). My senior year of high school I had the privilege of working in the LifeSkills room at LSHS, and that was one of the most life changing experiences I have ever had. It was the highlight of my day, everyday. Sure, some days were hard and frustrating, but the rewards were... incredible. To see when students would have good days or even have breakthroughs on something were some of the most inspiring, amazing moments of my life. I love the students in that room, and I do think that some of them love me. I enjoyed spending time with the Paras and teachers, and they were so inspirational to me. It was unbelievably emotional for me to say goodbye to all of them at the end of the year, and I couldn't even contain my tears. I cried giving hugs, I cried saying goodbye, and I cried when I got home after. I knew that it was something that I truly loved and enjoyed, but I had already made up my mind that I was going to go to Stephens for filmmaking.
Over Thanksgiving break last semester, I had really been wondering if film was what I really wanted to do with my life, and I just kept praying to God that He show me a sign of what I was supposed to do. I had planned to go back and see the students in the LifeSkills room, but I was so scared that some of them wouldn't remember me, which was definitely a possibility. When I got there, the students that I had expected to not remember me totally did, and it was so great to hug them again and talk with them and just see smiles! I knew, at that moment, that I wanted to do that for the rest of my life, and I knew that that was the sign I was looking for.
When I came back to Stephens, I decided I was going to start taking education classes here. They offer certification in Elementary and Early Childhood education. I knew that I didn't want to be an elementary school teacher or work in early childhood care, but I figured that was the closest I would get. After talking with professors from SC, Coach Twenter (who is one of the head teachers of the LifeSkills room), a woman who hires for Columbia Public Schools (who actually went to Stephens), my family, my friends, and anyone else I could talk to, I was really sure that Columbia College was going to be the best school for me to go to in order to do what I really wanted.
I began looking into it, but I really wasn't sure if I was ready to transfer to another school. I have now met with some really awesome education professors from CC, I've met with admissions and financial aid, I've toured the campus multiple times, I've met with the XC coach, and I've made some good friends in administration, which has led me to the decision to transfer. They have offered me a complete full ride, and the facilities are AMAZING. The school is so nice and beautiful and all of the professors and coaches have such a passion for what they do, and I was genuinely impressed by EVERYTHING. I literally could not find a SINGLE thing that I did not love about the school. It's perfect for me.
It's been a really hard decision, and it's taken me a long time to come to terms with it, but I can say now that I am so happy about my decision, and I'm very excited to get started on building my future. I couldn't be happier, and I have really felt that God is guiding me in this decision, and I know that I've chosen correctly. I am so excited to see God's plan for me, and I'm so glad that I've finally been able to really come to terms with what God wants for me and what I want for myself. This experience has made me so much closer in my relationship with God; relying on Him, trusting Him, having constant conversations with Him, seeing Him in everything I do and everywhere I go, and just finally being able to accept that God's plan for me isn't always clear, and I am going to have to try different things throughout my life to really see where He is guiding me. It's been a true blessing to go through all of this, even if it was hard and emotional. I am so thankful that my friends and family have been so supportive (I don't know what I would do without you guys!), and I look forward to what is to come!
But first... I have to finish off this year :) It has been so busy and stressful, but I know I'll be okay. After all, one of my favorite sayings is, "When life gets too hard to stand... KNEEL." AMEN.
I hope all is well with everyone, and I hope everyone enjoyed last week's beautiful weather here in Missouri! Not looking so pretty right now (it's snowing :-/ ) but hey, it could definitely be a lot worse!
In the wise words of Ellen Degeneres... Be kind to each other :)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Family
Thanksgiving has passed, and I, as always, had many things to be extremely thankful for: God, eternal life, family, friends, love, shelter, education, clothes, food, college, etc... but there's just a lot of different things on my mind now that it has all passed and Christmas grows nearer.
The word "family" has many different definitions according to my Dictionary/Thesaurus app on my iPhone... such as: a social unit living together; primary social group; people descended from a common ancestor; and my favorite... an association of people who share common beliefs or activities. I think that people today emphasize that family has to be a bloodline too much. I think the real word for people of a common bloodline is kin. Family is different. Family is about love, acceptance, fun, and just enjoying each other's presence. I mean, think about it.... if you looked back to Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Moses and Zipporah (etc.)... in the end, in some extremely ridiculously distant way, we are all "kin"... we are all family. We all came from God and we are all His creations, equally. I think that people stress too much over who is in their direct bloodline when they should be eager to accept new family members. There is nothing in the Bible or Dictionary that says "family is only the people that you are directly related to." That doesn't happen. We are all one, and even if we don't share the same background, the same ancestors, the same DNA, that doesn't mean that we aren't family.
In the summer of 2010, my cousin Daniel married a beautiful woman named Kallyn Kaiser... and I genuinely think of Kallyn as just as much of a cousin as I do Daniel, even if she wasn't there for the first 18 years of my life. In fact, I even think of her sisters and parents and brother and niece as my family. I love them all, and I have absolutely no "blood relation" to them. They are just as much a part of my family as anyone, and I am extremely grateful that they are a part of my life.
I was able to go deer hunting over Thanksgiving break, and it really made me think about this. Deer, for the most part, all stay with each other from birth until death, in a pack. They all mate with each other and live with each other and travel with each other. They fight for power, they fight for mates, they fight for food... but in the end, they are family. They don't abandon each other. When one gets scared of something, they snort (loudly) to alert all of the other deer around them that something is up. Humans don't do that... we are much more selfish. When was the last time you called your second cousin once removed just to say hello and see how they are doing? I don't even know who my second cousins once removed are, but I have no doubt that I have some. And for that matter, when was the last time you called one of your old friends to see how they are doing?? I suppose with Facebook that task has become a little bit easier. But you see, deer are family for life, whether they are really "related" or not. For humans, we disown each other, we ignore each other, we don't accept each other for what we are, we gossip about each other, we don't help each other...
And I'm not saying that that is ALL that we do or that that goes to ALL family... because I have a truly incredible family, and I am SO blessed, and I have a lot of people in my life that DO call me to check up, or DO text me, or DO Facebook me, or DO ask my parents about me, or DO come visit every once in a while, and I am some really truly amazing family members that have influenced my life in tremendous ways, and I don't know what I would do without them... I just think, in general, there is so much hatred within families, and that's just not right.
People always say that you can hate your friends if you want because they aren't your family... but that's so wrong. Since I've been away from home, my friends HAVE become my family. Kramer and I take care of each other when we get sick, we buy each other things (like HotBox Cookies and such), we help each other with homework, we encourage each other, we pray for each other, we spend time together, we love each other... isn't that what families do?
I just think that, when we are all in Heaven together (well, hopefully all of us) that it won't matter if we were blood related, or if we were in the same city, or if we were were any of that... we will love each other and we will all be in the presence of our creator as equals. Family isn't about making sure that you keep your bloodline all yours... (this IS NOT Harry Potter... there are not "pure bloods" or "mud bloods" or "muggles" that you should worry about... not that I would even if I were in that world :) ) it's about making and keeping relationships with the people that you love and enjoy spending time with, the people that have come and gone in your life, the people that have stuck by you in thick and thin, the people that care for you, the people that make you happy, the people that make you laugh, the people that you see every day...
The people that God has placed in your life for a reason.
Look at my godparents, Matt and Jackie Koch. Matt (Nino to me) was my mom's first husband and had my older brothers, and he remarried to Jackie (Nina to me). Not only does Nina treat Chris and Alex as her own sons, but she and Nino both treat me as their daughter. They are tremendous blessings upon me, and I am ever grateful. I genuinely have NO idea what I would do without them. And my step mom, too! Denise (Neenee to me)... she came into my life when Dad was so busy, and the boys and mom didn't live with me anymore. I was lonely. She stepped in as a mother figure in my life (Nina, too) and helped raise me as her own daughter. I am so blessed to have such loving parents in my life. I can't even imagine who I would be without them. They didn't have to do any of that... shoot, Nino and Nina didn't even have to talk to me if they didn't want to... but for them, it couldn't be more opposite. And Neenee, too! She could've been that evil, wicked step mother, but instead she has raised me as her own daughter and loved me through thick and thin. We are family, blood related or not. And I love them.
I feel as if I couldn't be more blessed, honestly. And I'm sure that there are people that would gladly disagree with that, knowing some things in my life... but God owes us NOTHING. And the blessings He bestows on us are gifts, not a requirement. We need to be thankful for every blessing He gives us: people, opportunities, circumstances, etc. We even need to be thankful for the hard things in our lives, because, even if they hurt, they will be blessings from God in the end.
My family ROCKS... I am just expressing thoughts that have crossed my mind as I have pondered and questioned the ways of humans the past couple of weeks.
I hope you all enjoyed this, and I hope you can get something out of it... because going back and reading my OWN thoughts again, I got even more out of it. I am so blessed and thankful to have the incredible family that I have, and I honestly could not ever dream or wish for anything better. I love you guys.
LJ
The word "family" has many different definitions according to my Dictionary/Thesaurus app on my iPhone... such as: a social unit living together; primary social group; people descended from a common ancestor; and my favorite... an association of people who share common beliefs or activities. I think that people today emphasize that family has to be a bloodline too much. I think the real word for people of a common bloodline is kin. Family is different. Family is about love, acceptance, fun, and just enjoying each other's presence. I mean, think about it.... if you looked back to Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Moses and Zipporah (etc.)... in the end, in some extremely ridiculously distant way, we are all "kin"... we are all family. We all came from God and we are all His creations, equally. I think that people stress too much over who is in their direct bloodline when they should be eager to accept new family members. There is nothing in the Bible or Dictionary that says "family is only the people that you are directly related to." That doesn't happen. We are all one, and even if we don't share the same background, the same ancestors, the same DNA, that doesn't mean that we aren't family.
In the summer of 2010, my cousin Daniel married a beautiful woman named Kallyn Kaiser... and I genuinely think of Kallyn as just as much of a cousin as I do Daniel, even if she wasn't there for the first 18 years of my life. In fact, I even think of her sisters and parents and brother and niece as my family. I love them all, and I have absolutely no "blood relation" to them. They are just as much a part of my family as anyone, and I am extremely grateful that they are a part of my life.
I was able to go deer hunting over Thanksgiving break, and it really made me think about this. Deer, for the most part, all stay with each other from birth until death, in a pack. They all mate with each other and live with each other and travel with each other. They fight for power, they fight for mates, they fight for food... but in the end, they are family. They don't abandon each other. When one gets scared of something, they snort (loudly) to alert all of the other deer around them that something is up. Humans don't do that... we are much more selfish. When was the last time you called your second cousin once removed just to say hello and see how they are doing? I don't even know who my second cousins once removed are, but I have no doubt that I have some. And for that matter, when was the last time you called one of your old friends to see how they are doing?? I suppose with Facebook that task has become a little bit easier. But you see, deer are family for life, whether they are really "related" or not. For humans, we disown each other, we ignore each other, we don't accept each other for what we are, we gossip about each other, we don't help each other...
And I'm not saying that that is ALL that we do or that that goes to ALL family... because I have a truly incredible family, and I am SO blessed, and I have a lot of people in my life that DO call me to check up, or DO text me, or DO Facebook me, or DO ask my parents about me, or DO come visit every once in a while, and I am some really truly amazing family members that have influenced my life in tremendous ways, and I don't know what I would do without them... I just think, in general, there is so much hatred within families, and that's just not right.
People always say that you can hate your friends if you want because they aren't your family... but that's so wrong. Since I've been away from home, my friends HAVE become my family. Kramer and I take care of each other when we get sick, we buy each other things (like HotBox Cookies and such), we help each other with homework, we encourage each other, we pray for each other, we spend time together, we love each other... isn't that what families do?
I just think that, when we are all in Heaven together (well, hopefully all of us) that it won't matter if we were blood related, or if we were in the same city, or if we were were any of that... we will love each other and we will all be in the presence of our creator as equals. Family isn't about making sure that you keep your bloodline all yours... (this IS NOT Harry Potter... there are not "pure bloods" or "mud bloods" or "muggles" that you should worry about... not that I would even if I were in that world :) ) it's about making and keeping relationships with the people that you love and enjoy spending time with, the people that have come and gone in your life, the people that have stuck by you in thick and thin, the people that care for you, the people that make you happy, the people that make you laugh, the people that you see every day...
The people that God has placed in your life for a reason.
Look at my godparents, Matt and Jackie Koch. Matt (Nino to me) was my mom's first husband and had my older brothers, and he remarried to Jackie (Nina to me). Not only does Nina treat Chris and Alex as her own sons, but she and Nino both treat me as their daughter. They are tremendous blessings upon me, and I am ever grateful. I genuinely have NO idea what I would do without them. And my step mom, too! Denise (Neenee to me)... she came into my life when Dad was so busy, and the boys and mom didn't live with me anymore. I was lonely. She stepped in as a mother figure in my life (Nina, too) and helped raise me as her own daughter. I am so blessed to have such loving parents in my life. I can't even imagine who I would be without them. They didn't have to do any of that... shoot, Nino and Nina didn't even have to talk to me if they didn't want to... but for them, it couldn't be more opposite. And Neenee, too! She could've been that evil, wicked step mother, but instead she has raised me as her own daughter and loved me through thick and thin. We are family, blood related or not. And I love them.
I feel as if I couldn't be more blessed, honestly. And I'm sure that there are people that would gladly disagree with that, knowing some things in my life... but God owes us NOTHING. And the blessings He bestows on us are gifts, not a requirement. We need to be thankful for every blessing He gives us: people, opportunities, circumstances, etc. We even need to be thankful for the hard things in our lives, because, even if they hurt, they will be blessings from God in the end.
My family ROCKS... I am just expressing thoughts that have crossed my mind as I have pondered and questioned the ways of humans the past couple of weeks.
I hope you all enjoyed this, and I hope you can get something out of it... because going back and reading my OWN thoughts again, I got even more out of it. I am so blessed and thankful to have the incredible family that I have, and I honestly could not ever dream or wish for anything better. I love you guys.
LJ
There are a MILLION other pictures that I could put up filled with my family, but I just thought I'd put a few (the grad party pics were good because they had multiple people in them!). I love all of you, and if you weren't in a picture it wasn't because I don't love you, I just picked a few to put on here.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Grace
Relationships are so hard, honestly. Even a relationship with someone who is perfect in every single way is hard (aka God), in fact, the relationship with Him is probably the hardest. I have really been seeing Satan trying to plant his big hooks in my life lately. Even though I do my devotional every day, go to Bible study and CRU, it's still so easy for Satan to sneak his way into my life. I wish it wasn't so easy for him. I know that God will always catch me when I fall though, which is what makes the relationship with Him something that words can't describe. His grace is so unbelievable... I wish I knew how to extend that kind of grace. I'm selfish, jealous, angry, boastful, rude and so much more than that where I fall SO short of the glory of God, but as I said before, when I fall, God is there to catch me. I don't know what I would do if He wasn't.
I hate conflict... especially when I hurt people. It sucks that it happens, and as much as I try to avoid it, I let Satan influence my thoughts and actions and I cause destruction in my own life and in others. Don't get me wrong, a lot of the time I let God work His miracles in my life and influence everything I do, it's just that it's so easy to forget to continuously stay in communication with Him, and as soon as I lose that communication is when Satan knows he can pry into my life... and I let him. But God's grace catches me and somehow everything works out.
I've hurt so many people in my life... that truly makes my heart hurt. I've been cruel and jealous and dishonest and selfish and just mean to people, and I hate it. I know that "we all do it sometimes," but that doesn't make me hate it any less. And what really hurts is that when people have hurt me I've held grudges or been slow to forgive... but God is so opposite, as soon as I ask for forgiveness He immediately forgives and forgets. I wish I had that kind of grace.
I strive to live a life like Jesus, but man, He is one heck of a guy :) If I can even live 1/4 as great as He did, I would die a happy woman. The truth is, I'm a sinner. We all are. We are dirty, rotten, and just flat-out disgusting... but God cleans us... He cleans us pure and bright and new. He makes us brand new every time we ask Him to. It's that easy. It's incredible. God blows me away, truthfully.
He has blessed me with so many wonderful things and people in my life, and it hurts me so much to know that I often take these gifts for granted. I should be constantly thanking God for the gifts He has blessed me with, honestly.
I guess I can kind of, in a way, sort of understand how God feels when I sin. It's like when someone that I love beyond compare to any material thing in this world does something that hurts me so much that I cry and am upset and hurt and disappointed... thats like 3% of how God feels when I sin.
Parents always blame themselves when their children do something wrong. But God doesn't blame Himself when we do something wrong, so neither should parents (at least in most cases). We learn and grow and no matter how many times our parents tell us "don't do this," we will most likely still do it anyway. We learn from our mistakes just as our parents did and we grow from them just as our parents did. As far as I can tell, in the mistakes I've made in my life, I have become much closer to God every time. I truly wish I didn't make mistakes. I want to be perfect like Jesus... but I can't be until I go to Heaven. And that's okay. I will learn from my mistakes, I will grow from my mistakes, and I will become closer with God every single moment.
I am so blessed. I have an amazing family, the most wonderful boyfriend I could EVER ask for, great friends that I care so much for, a school that provides me with everything I could ever want and need, and so so so much more.
I want to tell my parents and godparents that I love you so much. You've truly made my life something incredible and I don't know what I would do without you. You were always there for me (and still are) and you've provided everything for me. I am so lucky to have you guys. It's been really hard to be away from you, and I can't wait to come home and be with you this week. I really really love you. And to Chris, Alex and Brittanie I love you guys too, and I'm so lucky to have you as my siblings. You've all been so supportive and caring and I don't know what I'd do without you.
To Jordan, I am so sorry. I've hurt you and put you through things that you didn't deserve. I love you more than I can put into words. You are my best friend and I genuinely believe that God sent you to me when I had grown out of the "parent-child" phase in my life into the "peers" phase of my life (in the aspects of influence) to help me get un-lost. You are the greatest boyfriend any girl could ever dream of, and I am so in love with you. I really miss you and I can't wait to see you!
To Allie Dean... I LOVE YOU. You have been by my side for years and I am so thankful for that. You've been a great friend to me when I've, at times, been an awful one to you. You and I are like friend soul-mates and I know that nothing will ever separate us. I hope that I can be half as good of a friend as you've been to me. Thank you for being my best friend.
To Kramer, you have been there for me when my parents, Jordan, and Allie can't be (physically anyway). You've tucked me in at night :), you've wiped away my tears, you've hugged me when I'm hurting... you are such a blessing to me and I love you.
To all of my other incredible friends! You guys rock. I feel blessed to be surrounded by you guys in my life. I couldn't ask for better friends and I know that these friendships will last a lifetime, and that makes me so happy. I don't know what I'd do without you guys.
To everyone that loves me... I LOVE YOU TOO. God sent some truly wonderful people to be in my life, and I couldn't be more thankful. It's a true honor to be loved by people like you. I just can't even imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have all of you in my life, and I don't even want to imagine it because I am too happy with how things are to even dread on that. God is so good to me, even when I don't deserve it, and I'm so grateful.
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control... these are the things I strive to live by (the fruit of the Spirit). I want to be a person that displays all of these characteristics to everyone around me every day. May the Lord guide me in everything in my life and may I follow Him as His child and love Him with all of my heart. AMEN.
LJ
P.S. Sorry this is so all-over and random and just full of tons of thoughts.
I hate conflict... especially when I hurt people. It sucks that it happens, and as much as I try to avoid it, I let Satan influence my thoughts and actions and I cause destruction in my own life and in others. Don't get me wrong, a lot of the time I let God work His miracles in my life and influence everything I do, it's just that it's so easy to forget to continuously stay in communication with Him, and as soon as I lose that communication is when Satan knows he can pry into my life... and I let him. But God's grace catches me and somehow everything works out.
I've hurt so many people in my life... that truly makes my heart hurt. I've been cruel and jealous and dishonest and selfish and just mean to people, and I hate it. I know that "we all do it sometimes," but that doesn't make me hate it any less. And what really hurts is that when people have hurt me I've held grudges or been slow to forgive... but God is so opposite, as soon as I ask for forgiveness He immediately forgives and forgets. I wish I had that kind of grace.
I strive to live a life like Jesus, but man, He is one heck of a guy :) If I can even live 1/4 as great as He did, I would die a happy woman. The truth is, I'm a sinner. We all are. We are dirty, rotten, and just flat-out disgusting... but God cleans us... He cleans us pure and bright and new. He makes us brand new every time we ask Him to. It's that easy. It's incredible. God blows me away, truthfully.
He has blessed me with so many wonderful things and people in my life, and it hurts me so much to know that I often take these gifts for granted. I should be constantly thanking God for the gifts He has blessed me with, honestly.
I guess I can kind of, in a way, sort of understand how God feels when I sin. It's like when someone that I love beyond compare to any material thing in this world does something that hurts me so much that I cry and am upset and hurt and disappointed... thats like 3% of how God feels when I sin.
Parents always blame themselves when their children do something wrong. But God doesn't blame Himself when we do something wrong, so neither should parents (at least in most cases). We learn and grow and no matter how many times our parents tell us "don't do this," we will most likely still do it anyway. We learn from our mistakes just as our parents did and we grow from them just as our parents did. As far as I can tell, in the mistakes I've made in my life, I have become much closer to God every time. I truly wish I didn't make mistakes. I want to be perfect like Jesus... but I can't be until I go to Heaven. And that's okay. I will learn from my mistakes, I will grow from my mistakes, and I will become closer with God every single moment.
I am so blessed. I have an amazing family, the most wonderful boyfriend I could EVER ask for, great friends that I care so much for, a school that provides me with everything I could ever want and need, and so so so much more.
I want to tell my parents and godparents that I love you so much. You've truly made my life something incredible and I don't know what I would do without you. You were always there for me (and still are) and you've provided everything for me. I am so lucky to have you guys. It's been really hard to be away from you, and I can't wait to come home and be with you this week. I really really love you. And to Chris, Alex and Brittanie I love you guys too, and I'm so lucky to have you as my siblings. You've all been so supportive and caring and I don't know what I'd do without you.
To Jordan, I am so sorry. I've hurt you and put you through things that you didn't deserve. I love you more than I can put into words. You are my best friend and I genuinely believe that God sent you to me when I had grown out of the "parent-child" phase in my life into the "peers" phase of my life (in the aspects of influence) to help me get un-lost. You are the greatest boyfriend any girl could ever dream of, and I am so in love with you. I really miss you and I can't wait to see you!
To Allie Dean... I LOVE YOU. You have been by my side for years and I am so thankful for that. You've been a great friend to me when I've, at times, been an awful one to you. You and I are like friend soul-mates and I know that nothing will ever separate us. I hope that I can be half as good of a friend as you've been to me. Thank you for being my best friend.
To Kramer, you have been there for me when my parents, Jordan, and Allie can't be (physically anyway). You've tucked me in at night :), you've wiped away my tears, you've hugged me when I'm hurting... you are such a blessing to me and I love you.
To all of my other incredible friends! You guys rock. I feel blessed to be surrounded by you guys in my life. I couldn't ask for better friends and I know that these friendships will last a lifetime, and that makes me so happy. I don't know what I'd do without you guys.
To everyone that loves me... I LOVE YOU TOO. God sent some truly wonderful people to be in my life, and I couldn't be more thankful. It's a true honor to be loved by people like you. I just can't even imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have all of you in my life, and I don't even want to imagine it because I am too happy with how things are to even dread on that. God is so good to me, even when I don't deserve it, and I'm so grateful.
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control... these are the things I strive to live by (the fruit of the Spirit). I want to be a person that displays all of these characteristics to everyone around me every day. May the Lord guide me in everything in my life and may I follow Him as His child and love Him with all of my heart. AMEN.
LJ
P.S. Sorry this is so all-over and random and just full of tons of thoughts.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Jordan
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| November 6th, 2009. Our first picture together :) |
I remember the first time I ever hugged Jordan... It was the conference cross country meet of my junior year of high school (his sophomore year). I was still really sick with Mono and was wrapped up in sweats, coats, gloves, a hat (or two) and blankets... and at some point he came up to me and we talked for a moment and I was shivering so I asked for a hug (cheesy, right?!). The next meet was districts, and although I was still very sick with Mono and hadn't ran for 2 months, I ran the race. Because I slept the whole way to the race and up until the warm up, and fell asleep immediately after the race, I didn't really talk to him that day. The next time we really talked was at the sectionals race, and because I had not placed at districts (obviously!) I went to cheer everyone on. I remember watching Jordan race for the guys and being so nervous for him. I remember watching him stay right around 30th place the majority of the race, then in the last half mile pass multiple guys and come in the finish in the 20's. I remember jumping up and down and screaming like a little girl on Christmas morning! I ran up to the finish chute and hugged him and was still jumping and all excited! Ha, it's funny looking back.
Then we went to state. I had clearly developed quite the crush for the boy, and I was very excited to be with him and my friends in Jeff City for the weekend. On Friday night I remember asking Coach Jansen if Jordan and the guys could come with the girls to the mall, and of course Jansen saw right through me :) So they didn't get to come. But as soon as we got back we all decided to watch Bourne Ultimatum together, and I sat next to Jordan. I remember our hands barely touching as we sat awkwardly next to each other. I remember laughing because we had the same phone (a Pantech), and I "compared" his to mine, but I wimped out and didn't put my number in his phone! The next morning while Jordan was warming up for his race he left his phone on the tarp, so naturally I put my number in and left that as the screen for when he came back :) I had to miss his race, unfortunately, because it had been delayed for a really long time and the person giving me a ride needed to get home... but I remember hearing the starting gun go off as I was walking to the car and cheering for him anyway.
As soon as his race was done he texted me, and we talked non-stop the rest of that day. That's why we call it our anniversary, Nov. 7th, 2009 because it was when we really started to "date" or whatever you want to call it.
That was two years ago today... which truly blows my mind. In some respects it feels like 2 years out of my 19 is quite a bit of time, but at the same time it feels like such a short amount of time when we will hopefully be living for many many years to come.
Together we have matured in our faith and in our relationship and it is something that I never expected would happen to me. I feel truly blessed to get to spend my time with someone as amazing as Jordan. He's talented, brave, kind, sweet, loving, intelligent, and just a real joy to be around. He makes me laugh when I cry, he holds my hand when I'm scared, and he puts up with my obsession with Harry Potter!
I thank God every day for giving me Jordan, and I couldn't ask for anyone better.
In being with Jordan I have inherited a new family, HIS! His parents who have treated me as their own, his sister who has been a great friend to me at times of struggle, and everyone else in his family that have supported me and been so very kind to me over the past two years. I am so thankful for every one of them.
What's just as great is that my family loves him just the same! He and my dad are able to talk about hunting and sports, he and Nino are able to talk about Nascar and sports, and my big brothers and sister actually approve of him! Everyone in the family has really adapted to our relationship and opened up their arms to him, and I am so thankful for that.
About a month ago Jordan and I got promised, and I am so happy! It was the best birthday present he could have given me and I still look at the ring in awe! For two years I have been blessed with this precious gift from God, and I know that God will continue to bless us as we grow in our faith together as we are now. This world is a scary place, and it's comforting to know that along with my family and friends I have him to go home to. I couldn't ask for anything better and I am beyond thankful.
Enjoy some pictures of our relationship over the years :)
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| Cowboys and Indians Night at youth group |
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| My senior trip to Florida |
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| My junior prom |
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| Our mission trip to Philly this past summer |
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| Our trip to San Diego for Spring Break this past year |
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| My senior prom, his junior prom |
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| One of my senior pictures |
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| Our ski trip this past February with NRBC youth |
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