Family

Thanksgiving has passed, and I, as always, had many things to be extremely thankful for: God, eternal life, family, friends, love, shelter, education, clothes, food, college, etc... but there's just a lot of different things on my mind now that it has all passed and Christmas grows nearer.


The word "family" has many different definitions according to my Dictionary/Thesaurus app on my iPhone... such as: a social unit living together; primary social group; people descended from a common ancestor;  and my favorite... an association of people who share common beliefs or activities. I think that people today emphasize that family has to be a bloodline too much. I think the real word for people of a common bloodline is kin. Family is different. Family is about love, acceptance, fun, and just enjoying each other's presence. I mean, think about it.... if you looked back to Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Moses and Zipporah (etc.)... in the end, in some extremely ridiculously distant way, we are all "kin"... we are all family. We all came from God and we are all His creations, equally. I think that people stress too much over who is in their direct bloodline when they should be eager to accept new family members. There is nothing in the Bible or Dictionary that says "family is only the people that you are directly related to." That doesn't happen. We are all one, and even if we don't share the same background, the same ancestors, the same DNA, that doesn't mean that we aren't family.

In the summer of 2010, my cousin Daniel married a beautiful woman named Kallyn Kaiser... and I genuinely think of Kallyn as just as much of a cousin as I do Daniel, even if she wasn't there for the first 18 years of my life. In fact, I even think of her sisters and parents and brother and niece as my family. I love them all, and I have absolutely no "blood relation" to them. They are just as much a part of my family as anyone, and I am extremely grateful that they are a part of my life.

I was able to go deer hunting over Thanksgiving break, and it really made me think about this. Deer, for the most part, all stay with each other from birth until death, in a pack. They all mate with each other and live with each other and travel with each other. They fight for power, they fight for mates, they fight for food... but in the end, they are family. They don't abandon each other. When one gets scared of something, they snort (loudly) to alert all of the other deer around them that something is up. Humans don't do that... we are much more selfish. When was the last time you called your second cousin once removed just to say hello and see how they are doing? I don't even know who my second cousins once removed are, but I have no doubt that I have some. And for that matter, when was the last time you called one of your old friends to see how they are doing?? I suppose with Facebook that task has become a little bit easier. But you see, deer are family for life, whether they are really "related" or not. For humans, we disown each other, we ignore each other, we don't accept each other for what we are, we gossip about each other, we don't help each other...
And I'm not saying that that is ALL that we do or that that goes to ALL family... because I have a truly incredible family, and I am SO blessed, and I have a lot of people in my life that DO call me to check up, or DO text me, or DO Facebook me, or DO ask my parents about me, or DO come visit every once in a while, and I am some really truly amazing family members that have influenced my life in tremendous ways, and I don't know what I would do without them... I just think, in general, there is so much hatred within families, and that's just not right.
People always say that you can hate your friends if you want because they aren't your family... but that's so wrong. Since I've been away from home, my friends HAVE become my family. Kramer and I take care of each other when we get sick, we buy each other things (like HotBox Cookies and such), we help each other with homework, we encourage each other, we pray for each other, we spend time together, we love each other... isn't that what families do?

I just think that, when we are all in Heaven together (well, hopefully all of us) that it won't matter if we were blood related, or if we were in the same city, or if we were were any of that... we will love each other and we will all be in the presence of our creator as equals. Family isn't about making sure that you keep your bloodline all yours... (this IS NOT Harry Potter... there are not "pure bloods" or "mud bloods" or "muggles" that you should worry about... not that I would even if I were in that world :) ) it's about making and keeping relationships with the people that you love and enjoy spending time with, the people that have come and gone in your life, the people that have stuck by you in thick and thin, the people that care for you, the people that make you happy, the people that make you laugh, the people that you see every day...
The people that God has placed in your life for a reason. 


Look at my godparents, Matt and Jackie Koch. Matt (Nino to me) was my mom's first husband and had my older brothers, and he remarried to Jackie (Nina to me). Not only does Nina treat Chris and Alex as her own sons, but she and Nino both treat me as their daughter. They are tremendous blessings upon me, and I am ever grateful. I genuinely have NO idea what I would do without them. And my step mom, too! Denise (Neenee to me)... she came into my life when Dad was so busy, and the boys and mom didn't live with me anymore. I was lonely. She stepped in as a mother figure in my life (Nina, too) and helped raise me as her own daughter. I am so blessed to have such loving parents in my life. I can't even imagine who I would be without them. They didn't have to do any of that... shoot, Nino and Nina didn't even have to talk to me if they didn't want to... but for them, it couldn't be more opposite. And Neenee, too! She could've been that evil, wicked step mother, but instead she has raised me as her own daughter and loved me through thick and thin. We are family, blood related or not. And I love them.

I feel as if I couldn't be more blessed, honestly. And I'm sure that there are people that would gladly disagree with that, knowing some things in my life... but God owes us NOTHING. And the blessings He bestows on us are gifts, not a requirement. We need to be thankful for every blessing He gives us: people, opportunities, circumstances, etc. We even need to be thankful for the hard things in our lives, because, even if they hurt, they will be blessings from God in the end.

My family ROCKS... I am just expressing thoughts that have crossed my mind as I have pondered and questioned the ways of humans the past couple of weeks.

I hope you all enjoyed this, and I hope you can get something out of it... because going back and reading my OWN thoughts again, I got even more out of it. I am so blessed and thankful to have the incredible family that I have, and I honestly could not ever dream or wish for anything better. I love you guys.

LJ

There are a MILLION other pictures that I could put up filled with my family, but I just thought I'd put a few (the grad party pics were good because they had multiple people in them!). I love all of you, and if you weren't in a picture it wasn't because I don't love you, I just picked a few to put on here.

Grace

Relationships are so hard, honestly. Even a relationship with someone who is perfect in every single way is hard (aka God), in fact, the relationship with Him is probably the hardest. I have really been seeing Satan trying to plant his big hooks in my life lately. Even though I do my devotional every day, go to Bible study and CRU, it's still so easy for Satan to sneak his way into my life. I wish it wasn't so easy for him. I know that God will always catch me when I fall though, which is what makes the relationship with Him something that words can't describe. His grace is so unbelievable... I wish I knew how to extend that kind of grace. I'm selfish, jealous, angry, boastful, rude and so much more than that where I fall SO short of the glory of God, but as I said before, when I fall, God is there to catch me. I don't know what I would do if He wasn't.
I hate conflict... especially when I hurt people. It sucks that it happens, and as much as I try to avoid it, I let Satan influence my thoughts and actions and I cause destruction in my own life and in others. Don't get me wrong, a lot of the time I let God work His miracles in my life and influence everything I do, it's just that it's so easy to forget to continuously stay in communication with Him, and as soon as I lose that communication is when Satan knows he can pry into my life... and I let him. But God's grace catches me and somehow everything works out.
I've hurt so many people in my life... that truly makes my heart hurt. I've been cruel and jealous and dishonest and selfish and just mean to people, and I hate it. I know that "we all do it sometimes," but that doesn't make me hate it any less. And what really hurts is that when people have hurt me I've held grudges or been slow to forgive... but God is so opposite, as soon as I ask for forgiveness He immediately forgives and forgets. I wish I had that kind of grace.
I strive to live a life like Jesus, but man, He is one heck of a guy :) If I can even live 1/4 as great as He did, I would die a happy woman. The truth is, I'm a sinner. We all are. We are dirty, rotten, and just flat-out disgusting... but God cleans us... He cleans us pure and bright and new. He makes us brand new every time we ask Him to. It's that easy. It's incredible. God blows me away, truthfully.
He has blessed me with so many wonderful things and people in my life, and it hurts me so much to know that I often take these gifts for granted. I should be constantly thanking God for the gifts He has blessed me with, honestly.
I guess I can kind of, in a way, sort of understand how God feels when I sin. It's like when someone that I love beyond compare to any material thing in this world does something that hurts me so much that I cry and am upset and hurt and disappointed... thats like 3% of how God feels when I sin.
Parents always blame themselves when their children do something wrong. But God doesn't blame Himself when we do something wrong, so neither should parents (at least in most cases). We learn and grow and no matter how many times our parents tell us "don't do this," we will most likely still do it anyway. We learn from our mistakes just as our parents did and we grow from them just as our parents did. As far as I can tell, in the mistakes I've made in my life, I have become much closer to God every time. I truly wish I didn't make mistakes. I want to be perfect like Jesus... but I can't be until I go to Heaven. And that's okay. I will learn from my mistakes, I will grow from my mistakes, and I will become closer with God every single moment.

I am so blessed. I have an amazing family, the most wonderful boyfriend I could EVER ask for, great friends that I care so much for, a school that provides me with everything I could ever want and need, and so so so much more.
I want to tell my parents and godparents that I love you so much. You've truly made my life something incredible and I don't know what I would do without you. You were always there for me (and still are) and you've provided everything for me. I am so lucky to have you guys. It's been really hard to be away from you, and I can't wait to come home and be with you this week. I really really love you. And to Chris, Alex and Brittanie I love you guys too, and I'm so lucky to have you as my siblings. You've all been so supportive and caring and I don't know what I'd do without you.
To Jordan, I am so sorry. I've hurt you and put you through things that you didn't deserve. I love you more than I can put into words. You are my best friend and I genuinely believe that God sent you to me when I had grown out of the "parent-child" phase in my life into the "peers" phase of my life (in the aspects of influence) to help me get un-lost. You are the greatest boyfriend any girl could ever dream of, and I am so in love with you. I really miss you and I can't wait to see you!
To Allie Dean... I LOVE YOU. You have been by my side for years and I am so thankful for that. You've been a great friend to me when I've, at times, been an awful one to you. You and I are like friend soul-mates and I know that nothing will ever separate us. I hope that I can be half as good of a friend as you've been to me. Thank you for being my best friend.
To Kramer, you have been there for me when my parents, Jordan, and Allie can't be (physically anyway). You've tucked me in at night :), you've wiped away my tears, you've hugged me when I'm hurting... you are such a blessing to me and I love you.
To all of my other incredible friends! You guys rock. I feel blessed to be surrounded by you guys in my life. I couldn't ask for better friends and I know that these friendships will last a lifetime, and that makes me so happy. I don't know what I'd do without you guys.
To everyone that loves me... I LOVE YOU TOO. God sent some truly wonderful people to be in my life, and I couldn't be more thankful. It's a true honor to be loved by people like you. I just can't even imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have all of you in my life, and I don't even want to imagine it because I am too happy with how things are to even dread on that. God is so good to me, even when I don't deserve it, and I'm so grateful.

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control... these are the things I strive to live by (the fruit of the Spirit). I want to be a person that displays all of these characteristics to everyone around me every day. May the Lord guide me in everything in my life and may I follow Him as His child and love Him with all of my heart. AMEN.




LJ

P.S. Sorry this is so all-over and random and just full of tons of thoughts.

Jordan

November 6th, 2009. Our first picture together :)

So today is mine and Jordan's 2 year anniversary :) YAY! And I have to say that the past two years have come with so much change in the both of us. Before I met Jordan I was really confused about my life and about God, but Jordan led me back to the path that my family had led me on for so many years. I guess once I had found the freedom to drive and make my own decisions, God got shoved down on the list of priorities for me. Jordan reminded me that He must always be number one.

I remember the first time I ever hugged Jordan... It was the conference cross country meet of my junior year of high school (his sophomore year). I was still really sick with Mono and was wrapped up in sweats, coats, gloves, a hat (or two) and blankets... and at some point he came up to me and we talked for a moment and I was shivering so I asked for a hug (cheesy, right?!). The next meet was districts, and although I was still very sick with Mono and hadn't ran for 2 months, I ran the race. Because I slept the whole way to the race and up until the warm up, and fell asleep immediately after the race, I didn't really talk to him that day. The next time we really talked was at the sectionals race, and because I had not placed at districts (obviously!) I went to cheer everyone on. I remember watching Jordan race for the guys and being so nervous for him. I remember watching him stay right around 30th place the majority of the race, then in the last half mile pass multiple guys and come in the finish in the 20's. I remember jumping up and down and screaming like a little girl on Christmas morning! I ran up to the finish chute and hugged him and was still jumping and all excited! Ha, it's funny looking back.

Then we went to state. I had clearly developed quite the crush for the boy, and I was very excited to be with him and my friends in Jeff City for the weekend. On Friday night I remember asking Coach Jansen if Jordan and the guys could come with the girls to the mall, and of course Jansen saw right through me :) So they didn't get to come. But as soon as we got back we all decided to watch Bourne Ultimatum together, and I sat next to Jordan. I remember our hands barely touching as we sat awkwardly next to each other. I remember laughing because we had the same phone (a Pantech), and I "compared" his to mine, but I wimped out and didn't put my number in his phone! The next morning while Jordan was warming up for his race he left his phone on the tarp, so naturally I put my number in and left that as the screen for when he came back :) I had to miss his race, unfortunately, because it had been delayed for a really long time and the person giving me a ride needed to get home... but I remember hearing the starting gun go off as I was walking to the car and cheering for him anyway.
As soon as his race was done he texted me, and we talked non-stop the rest of that day. That's why we call it our anniversary, Nov. 7th, 2009 because it was when we really started to "date" or whatever you want to call it.

That was two years ago today... which truly blows my mind. In some respects it feels like 2 years out of my 19 is quite a bit of time, but at the same time it feels like such a short amount of time when we will hopefully be living for many many years to come.

Together we have matured in our faith and in our relationship and it is something that I never expected would happen to me. I feel truly blessed to get to spend my time with someone as amazing as Jordan. He's talented, brave, kind, sweet, loving, intelligent, and just a real joy to be around. He makes me laugh when I cry, he holds my hand when I'm scared, and he puts up with my obsession with Harry Potter!
I thank God every day for giving me Jordan, and I couldn't ask for anyone better.

In being with Jordan I have inherited a new family, HIS! His parents who have treated me as their own, his sister who has been a great friend to me at times of struggle, and everyone else in his family that have supported me and been so very kind to me over the past two years. I am so thankful for every one of them.

What's just as great is that my family loves him just the same! He and my dad are able to talk about hunting and sports, he and Nino are able to talk about Nascar and sports, and my big brothers and sister actually approve of him! Everyone in the family has really adapted to our relationship and opened up their arms to him, and I am so thankful for that.

About a month ago Jordan and I got promised, and I am so happy! It was the best birthday present he could have given me and I still look at the ring in awe! For two years I have been blessed with this precious gift from God, and I know that God will continue to bless us as we grow in our faith together as we are now. This world is a scary place, and it's comforting to know that along with my family and friends I have him to go home to. I couldn't ask for anything better and I am beyond thankful.

Enjoy some pictures of our relationship over the years :)

Cowboys and Indians Night at youth group

My senior trip to Florida

My junior prom

Our mission trip to Philly this past summer

Our trip to San Diego for Spring Break this past year

My senior prom, his junior prom

One of my senior pictures

Our ski trip this past February with NRBC youth

Life... so many choices and so many hard decisions.
It's amazing how much my mindset on life has changed over the past couple of months. For the past year or two when someone would ask me where I saw myself in 10 years I'd answer either working for a news station or working on Christian movies. If someone asked me today where I see myself in 10 years, I really don't know. In fact, I don't even know where I see myself next year.
My senior year of high school I started spending every day with the special needs students at LSHS, and it was something I looked forward to every day. It was very hard some days, and other days it was the time of my life. Since then, I've so strongly felt a calling towards that field. For a while I thought I wanted to make films about people with special needs, then I started thinking about training special needs actors. I love film, I love being around it and all that, but can I do it every day of my life? That, I don't know. The main part I like is coming up with the ideas. I like the brainstorming and then coming up with an idea and a plan for a project. So a producer. But is that really what I want to do every day?? And how does working with people with special needs go with that??

Ugh. I just wish that God could be like "Hey LJ, I love you, here's what I want you to do with your life." But he won't. And as much as I pray about it he will never just say that to me. It comes down to me looking for his signs every single day in everything I do. That's so easy to forget; it really is. I wish it was all simple, but it's not.
It's like, right now I have apple pie, but across the street is cherry pie. I like both of them, but apple pie comes with vanilla ice cream and cherry pie comes with whipped cream. Either way I go I'll be happy. How do I decide that? I can't. I love apple pie, I've always loved apple pie and it just tastes so good... but cherry pie has something that apple pie doesn't. But I can't betray my beloved apple pie. I wish I could make an apple-cherry pie like Ron East does every year at the Longview Chapel Thanksgiving bake sale. Maybe I can. Maybe I can make it so I can have an apple-cherry pie. I don't want to tell you all what this really means because quite honestly I'm just rambling and ranting about things on my mind that I need to let out.
I'm sure everything will work out fine... well of course it will. I just have a lot on my mind tonight from everything that's happened these first few months of school. I don't know where my life is headed exactly, but I know that it's in a good direction and that God will lead me. I just have to trust Him and follow Him and everything will work out perfectly.

Well, I probably ought to get to bed now since I'm running in the morning.
I appreciate all prayers so feel free :)

LJ

Harry Potter

So many people ask me why I love Harry Potter so much... well... honestly, I don't know.

Two of my very favorite movies when I was a child were Matilda and A Little Princess. If you haven't seen these movies, I will inform you of why I think they probably play a part in my love for Harry Potter. Both of these movies had magic in them. Matilda was a magical little girl who was incredibly intelligent and could do magic just by thinking about what she wanted to happen (no wands!). In the other movie, the young girl, Sara encounters some magic from a neighbor at the boarding school she attends in England. 

I guess that could be a factor as to why I love Harry Potter so much. Not to mention that I adore English accents.

I've always been fascinated by fantasy. When reading Harry Potter, even as a child, I would immerse myself in the world of Harry Potter and let it completely consume all of my thoughts and imagination. I was mesmerized by the stories and the dream-like world of it all. I wanted to go to Hogwarts... in fact, I wanted to be Hermione. When the movies came out, all of the dreams and images I had created inside my head while reading came to life... and better than I had even imagined them. It was like I was able to really see this world that I so longed to be in. Don't get me wrong, I love the world I'm in, and I'm quite content, but this world was so...magical :)

To see this world of dreams come to life was like nothing I can even describe. I've been sitting here for quite a few moments trying to think of some sort of analogy I could compare it to, but it's truly something indescribable. 

I love the idea of magic; I don't even think I would like it as much if it were real. It's something I don't know and will never know, and that makes it exciting and exhilarating to me. I love letting myself get all immersed in the stories and letting myself believe for just a moment that it's real and that I'm there. 

But in the end, if I were really there I'd probably be dreaming of being where I am now; where I am now is exactly where I want to be (since I can't go to Hogwarts and study magic with Harry, Ron and Hermione :) )

LJ

Birthday Things

I have mixed thoughts about being 19. On one hand, I can't believe that I'm 19 years into my life, but at the same time it's hard to believe I'm ONLY 19 years into my life. Is 19 a lot of years? I don't feel like it is, but then again I do. Curious.
I've got some pretty stinking awesome roomies though... They surprised me last night with a cardboard cutout of Dobby from Harry Potter :) I couldn't even believe it! I STILL can't believe it! We had passed his little cutout probably 5 times and I always joked about how cute it was and all, and now I have one! Crazy.
I have been at school for almost 2 months. It's flown by, but at the same time it feels like I have been here for ages. It seems as though I don't have a very good understanding of time. Ha!
So many people have been asking me what I want for my birthday, and I feel so blessed to have the question be what do you WANT, not what do you NEED. There is nothing I need. I have everything I could need, and for that matter, want. I came up with a few things that I could definitely use, but I could also live without. How blessed I truly am.
I love my family, my friends, my God. But on the subject of love, I must say that as I daily continue to seek the Lord and strengthen my relationship with Him, I have found that love itself is something as un-grasp-able (HA!) as God is. It's often quoted that love is like the wind- you can't see it, but you can feel it. I think there's another reason it could be like wind, because wind is always changing- getting stronger and such, just like love. Plus, there's never an end to wind, there's always just a little bit no matter what or where. Love is also like space, it just goes on forever and ever, more than any human can ever find out. Ah, love. What a joyous gift God has blessed us with.

I guess I just decided to ramble a little on this one, I hope you enjoyed it.

LJ :)

It's weird.

Looking through old pictures last night I came across some with a friend of mine that committed suicide a few months ago. I guess I can't really call us friends seeing as we have barely talked since freshman year of high school. We were on the same soccer team in late elementary school and middle school. We went to school together for 6 years. I wouldn't say we were "close", but I liked her, and we were good friends playing soccer together. I guess as we got older and didn't have classes together we sort of lost touch.
Looking back on pictures of us just made me think so much about how so quickly our lives can end. Unfortunately, I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to her. Death is something so curious to me. I suppose it's fairly simple: your born, you live, you die and you go somewhere else.
I wish I knew whether my friend is in Heaven or not, I wish I knew if a lot of people were in Heaven... but I suppose I'll find out someday. I guess I'd like to hope that they are. I'd like to hope that people I know and love will go to Heaven someday. There's just no way to be certain until I am there, standing at the pearly gates on a street paved in gold, being judged by Lord. I pray for their souls, along with praying for my own. We are so... disgusting.... us humans. God is so perfect and genuine and everything good... and we are so...NOT. What grace He has, truly. And without grace, I don't even want to imagine what life would be like, or even more importantly, life after death.

I guess I'm just kind of rambling on about stuff on my mind. Nothing really significant, just thoughts.

All I've got to say is this... the Lord is good, and I am remarkably blessed. PTL!

LJ

Blessings in Disguise

So this weekend I just saw God in my life majorly, even if it may have been things that reminded me of the song "This is the Stuff" by Francesca Batistelli (if you don't know it, here's the chorus- "this is the stuff that drives me crazy, this is the stuff that's getting to me lately, in the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed. This is the stuff that gets under my skin, but I've gotta trust you know exactly what you're doing, might not be what I would choose but this is the stuff you use.") 

After my great meet on Saturday in St. Louis (so thankful to have so many family and friends cheering us on!) Dad, Neenee, Nino, and Nina all came to Stephens and we had lunch at the Heidelberg (yummy!) and then they came up to my dorm room and my dad fixed my foot rest and the squeak in my bed (thank goodness!) and Neenee left me a cute little note on my dry erase board, and it was all just great! Well, as they were leaving, Neenee said "you sure you don't wanna come home?" just joking around (and they were literally driving away at this point), and then I realized I could! I called them back immediately and had them come back for me! Kramer had gone home this weekend and I knew I could get a ride with her back, so I figured, hey why not! So I got to go home and surprise Jordan, which was truly great because he is the hardest person to surprise! It was great to spend time with him and to go to NRBC and see the Andrews family as well. The sermon today really spoke to me and I really enjoyed it and I was just having a great day and weekend!

Then Kramer and I left her house at about 6:45, and we were surprised how quickly it got dark! By 7:30 it was literally PITCH BLACK outside, whether that was from the clouds or if there was a new moon I do not know; however, it was kind of scary. Then, as we are driving it begins sprinkling a little bit, but there is sawdust on Kramer's windshield so when she used the windshield wipers it was even harder to see than before! We stopped in Booneville at a Pilot gas station and cleaned her windshield (and used the bathroom!). She was very thankful that I was with her because it was very scary with not only the darkness in driving, but her windshield as well as stopping at a large gas station on 70 hwy. She called me coming home a blessing in disguise, but I don't think there was really much disguise on that one! It was all just blessing! :)

Well, we get back to school and we are unpacking and I realize that I have forgotten my running shoes at home. HOW FRUSTRATING!!! I knew there was no way I could have them by practice tomorrow even if we tried to overnight them, so I knew it was inevitable that I was going to have to buy new shoes. I called Dad and told him and was just so frustrated with myself and angry and just very bitter, but then I came to realize that just last week I had mentioned the possibility of getting new running shoes. I haven't been keeping a running log, but I figured it was probably getting close to time. I had planned on doing it sometime after my birthday in three weeks. But as I was thinking about it, though I've only had the shoes for a few months, I realized that not only had I probably put in a good 300-350 miles on them running, but I also walk in them many days of the week and I wore them almost every day of the summertime once I got them (including every day on the mission trip, which was a LOT of walking and standing and running). So, despite how frustrated I was in leaving my shoes at home, I realized it was a blessing in disguise because if I kept waiting to buy new shoes my feet would probably begin to really bother me (which they already have been the past 2 weeks and I didn't even register that it could be from my shoes!). Plus, I don't race this upcoming weekend so this week will be the perfect opportunity for me to break in new shoes, even if they are the exact same model I've been running in! 

I believe God planned that on purpose and it was truly a blessing. He's one smart guy :) 

So tomorrow during my 3 hour break between classes I intend on getting new running shoes... and milk (and NOT at Walgreens this time!).

For now, goodnight! :) and God bless!!

LJ

More Modern Slavery

So today in my Modern Slavery class we were doing a brief overview of the history of slavery, but now we are getting into actual modern slavery.
Here's some things that literally made me gasp...

-There are approximately 27 million slaves in the world
-There are 50,000 slaves in the United States (the majority come from China, Mexico, and Vietnam)
-There are 15-20 million slaves in Southeast Asia (India, Pakistan, Nepal, etc.)
-The majority of slavery is agricultural (sugar, rice, etc); second is brick making and mining; third is war slaves (for example the children in Africa that are kidnapped from their homes and forced to kill each other in war); fourth is a mix of domestic and sex slavery
-The United States purchases the most slave-made products in the world (Coca-Cola being a huge one for sugar in Brazil).
Literally everything we have was probably slave-made. The slaves in Brazil that make the charcoal that is used to make our cars; the ones in Brazil and other countries that farm the sugar cane that is used in practically everything; slaves that sew our clothes; slaves that weave our cloth; slaves that make our carpets; slaves that make our phones; etc... It's appalling....

The average cost of a slave in the 1800's was equivalent to about $40,000-$80,000, bringing in only about 5% profit.
Nowadays, a slave, if even paid for at all, costs about $40-$200 on average (but sex slaves are often higher if they are younger and depending on the ethnicity) and bring in anywhere from 200-800% profit.
That's cheaper than an iPhone... People are being SOLD- their entire lives are being SOLD for less than what we paid for our phones. It disgusts me, it truly does.

The real question that we focused on answering was How on Earth can we stop slavery?! And there's really only one way- by having political will (making it less economically friendly), and by having the ability to protect the victims. I don't see this being very likely in my lifetime, but I hope that some day slavery can be completely stopped throughout the world.

I want to leave you with some websites that I have seen...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/1554064/US-used-forced-labour-to-build-Iraq-embassy.html
The United States enslaving middle eastern folks to build the worlds largest Embassy in Baghdad...

http://www.crisisaid.org/ICAPDF/Trafficking/traffickstats.pdf
Slavery in America...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavery_in_Brazil
Slavery in Brazil

http://marketplace.publicradio.org/display/web/2006/05/26/the_cost_of_slavery/
A discussion on slavery with Kevin Bales (one of the most well-known and respected slavery researchers and authors in the world)

http://www.invisiblechildren.com/our-story
Invisible Children- the organization trying to stop the kidnapping of children in Africa for war.

It makes me so sad... it truly does.


I am just so blessed to have been born in America to such an amazing family and in the area I was born in. I feel so blessed as well to have had all of the opportunities I've had in my life as well as the ones to come. It's so crazy to think that kids in India literally work every single day all day and will never stop until the day they die. I am truly a blessed woman and I have to remember to never take that for granted. This world is so corrupt, but it's not hopeless...


LJ.

Deja Vu

This weekend was Labor Day weekend (and no, I will not stop wearing white, sorry!), and I went home!! 

Every time I've ever come to Stephens prior to this school year, I've always had to pack up my stuff from home and bring it with me, stay for a little while, then come home. But this time it was opposite... I packed up my stuff from here and took it home with me. That was the strangest feeling, it really was. As I was leaving, I looked back at Stephens and it truly felt like I was leaving home, but that I was also going home. It was some sort of weird deja vu feeling honestly. 

But, the weekend was fantastic :) It was great to see my family and of course, Jordan, and it was great to celebrate Nino's (Matt) 50th birthday with everyone! It was also great bringing back the leftover cake (its gone over well with my friends!), YUMMY! I love funfetti :) 

But after going home and coming back, Stephens began to feel more "homey" to me, everything was more recognizable and routine and regular, I didn't feel quite as "new" (or like summer camp anymore!). 

Today I joined a Stephens organization called S.O.S. which is a community service group and we do service projects once a month! I'd almost like to do more than that, but I know with my busy schedule that will be plenty! I'm very excited about that, and I'm really looking forward to being able to get out in the community and serve.

I've also started to join the group C.R.U. which is a Christian organization. We are planning to do a Bible study once a week and on Thursdays we go meet with MU's C.R.U. for a meeting! (but I don't know what we talk about because I haven't been yet!). 

It's finally cooled off in our room, which is great... though the allergies are as bad as ever. But it sure is a lot nicer to have allergies and a cool room than allergies and a hot room! Hopefully we'll have a good frost soon and kill out that ragweed and strong pollen. I'm sure we will :)

The Lord has blessed me, that's for sure. I'm so thankful that I get to be a part of SOS and CRU... these are the kind of groups I know I will belong in and find that I fit in and I just know I'll have a lot of fun :)

I'm also very thankful that Kramer, Stephanie, Emily and I have all been getting along so well! It's great to have immediately clicked with such amazing girls and to have strong relationships that I truly value. Not to mention all of the other friends I have made :)

I'm really looking forward to our first XC meet this Friday! I can't believe it's already here! It's crazy to think this is my FIFTH time running this course. I think that I will do well, and so will the team! We've all been training hard and I know we are ready. GO STARS! 

Well, that's about all I have to say for now!

Much love!!!

LJ

Class

This was originally written mostly on Tuesday so keep in mind that when I am talking about my classes, they were on Tuesday. DISCLAIMER: this post is kind of sad (not about me, but about my classes). I'm sorry about that!

Wow, so today (written on Tuesday) in my first two classes we had some majorly....um... intense? topics. In my honors seminar class, our first paper is to be about the use of sex as a symbol. Well, we watched a movie called Killing Us Softly (4) and it showed me some things about advertisements that you wouldn't believe. For instance, you know when you see an ad with an impossibly beautiful, thin girl with perfect hair and perfect eyes and a perfect smile and a perfect nose?? Yeah, she's not real. They literally take pictures of 4 different girls and use whomever's body they like the most (let's say girl #1) and blur out her face, take eyes from girl #2 and put them on girl #1's face, take the nose from girl #3 and put it on girl #1's face, and take the smile from girl #4 and put it on girl #1's face. This girl literally does not exist.
Another thing you wouldn't believe... you know how in ads all of a sudden a woman who normally isn't very busty, or one who has a few little wrinkles, or one who has got a little tummy on her is all of a sudden perfectly proportional and flawless looking? Yeah, it's fake.
Sex has become the ultimate marketing material. They make women's bodies into objects to appeal to men- why do you think men are degrading women more and more?! In ads with a man and a woman, the woman is always being hovered over or controlled while the man looks big and strong and powerful. Men are being encouraged to inflict violence and power on women. They have shirts for little boys that say "Daddy's little bruiser". Women are being dressed (and made to look) like little girls, vulnerable and innocent, but put in unnaturally sexy and racy positions...little girls are wearing make up and 2 year olds have high heels and skinny jeans and thong bikinis and bra padding... IT IS MESSED UP. 1/3 of all women murdered are murdered by their male partner/husband. Yeah. Girls who see advertisements where women are being degraded and look unnaturally beautiful before the age of 13 are 114% more likely to have severe depression or an eating disorder. Americans see 3,000+ advertisements EVERY DAY. It's incredible how deceitful and tricky the people who make these advertisements really are.

After this class I went right to Modern Slavery where we watched a documentary on sugar mill slavery in Brazil. Literally almost every single native of Brazil is enslaved working at the sugar mills. They get paid pretty much nothing (about $4.50 for every ton of sugar crop cut-but here's the thing... it never gets weighed. "The Boss" decides if you get paid or not and how much). In the winter the employees are paid with vouchers to the sugar mill owner's market to buy food- and no, they don't get any change.

It's amazing how different every area of the world is...but how in the end it's all just corrupted and messed up. I am just so thankful that the world of "fashion" hasn't made me lose sight of who I am (we are clearly know that I eat plenty and I am a happy person!)... it just makes me so sad that there are so many women out there who think they are failures because they don't have a certain genetic body type or they don't look like the FAKE people in magazines. Oh, and yeah, the super emaciated models.... guess why they have to be so skinny? When the clothing manufacturers send the clothes for a shoot or a fashion show, they are almost always size 00... and if you don't fit in it you're fired and they'll get someone else who can fit in it. It's so completely insane. I just can't believe it.

So yeah, that's my little schpeel about all of that.

It has been really hot here in CoMo, and without AC it's miserable. But it looks like I may be able to crash in a friends room tonight who has AC! Thank goodness for that! Then I get to come home (YAY!)! Ready to start the weekend and see everyone!

Much love.... Sorry if this blog was depressing!

LJ

Happiness

Today at church at The Crossing in CoMo, the sermon was mainly about wisdom. How Jesus is Wisdom and in order to have it we must know Him... but then he briefly started talking about how we want happiness and how we can get it. For some reason I felt really compelled to write what he said down. He said that in order to be happy we HAVE to put all of our life in the Lord. We must surrender all to Him and give Him our hearts and our lives in the view of eternity. People are constantly searching for happiness in worldly things (he talked about how Amy Winehouse and other young stars that have committed suicide do it because they begin getting all of these worldly things that they have always dreamed of, and before long they have "everything", but they are still not happy... they are missing God) instead of seeking the true source of happiness- God. For some reason I was just very compelled to right this down, so I'm sure there's a reason why.

Thanks for the prayers!

LJ

The Real Home

So my last post I spoke on the prompt I was given for a class about what home is...
Well, I forgot one thing.
This morning as I was doing my Bible study of Philippians, I came across Philippians 3:20- "But our home is in Heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ."
At church camp this summer I was given a chart...
Activity-->Identity-->Security. This is how most people identify themselves in life....
But what Christians do is the opposite...
Security (in Christ)-->Identity-->Activity.
In order to really feel at home anywhere away from Heaven, we have to find our security in Christ and not in anything else, that way we know who we are and we can get involved in things that reflect who we are, not who we want to be or who we WISH we were.
I can call anywhere home at this point, even if it's not "home" or Heaven, but I know that I never have anything to fear when I am walking with Jesus.

I love the big JC (Jesus Christ)!!!

LJ

A Little Bit of This and A Little Bit of That!

I was given a prompt today in my Honors Seminar class asking me what I think "home" is. It automatically made me think of the cliche saying "home is where the heart is," for me this phrase is so true. Home to me isn't about where I am or what I'm doing; it's all about who I'm with. For me, I feel the most at home when I am with everyone who I love and hold most dear (you know who you all are!). It's hard to say that I often feel "at home" since I've left, but it's pretty close to home being in my room with Kramer. Though her and I are still in the roommate "honeymoon stage", it seems as though we've known each other for a very long time and we just get along so well. In fact, since I had to miss dinner tonight for XC practice and an all-athlete meeting, Kramer brought me home some food! I can honestly say that I am starting to warm up to the sense of Stephens being my new home... But I know its really a home-away-from-home. The idea that came to my mind of when I would feel the most at home would be around the dinner table (yes, food MUST be involved for me!) with a bunch of food, everyone I love surrounding the table passing around the different dishes, laughing, chatting, smiling, just having a good time. I can imagine this picture in my mind and it's so surreal, but at the same time I can remember times where I've felt this ecstasy.
I can honestly say that I feel so very blessed to have so many people that love me and care about me, and I appreciate everyone's prayers so much. Though this isn't my ideal "home", it is pretty darn good :) and I can honestly say I'm genuinely happy (even if I miss a lot of you like CRAZY!).

I hope everyone had a great week and I hope everyone HAS a fantastic weekend!

LJ

Jitters, Nerves and an Oatmeal Fudge Bar

It is truly remarkable when you sit down and just think, "where have I seen God today?" because honestly, I see Him in nearly EVERYTHING I do/encounter. 

Taking this new journey in life- college, I have really gotten the chance to see God's hands really work in my life. I feel so incredibly blessed. My roommate and I couldn't get along better (love you Kramer!), our suite mates are the cutest, most fun, and just completely enjoyable people to live with, despite the fact that we do not have AC and it got really hot this week, we are blessed to have MANY fans! Our floors are also hard wood so they stay pretty cool. The 4 flights of stairs may seem like a lot, but there IS a 5th floor (that is not being used)! The nights cool off a lot so we are able to sleep pretty comfortably. My professors all seem very enthusiastic and I actually ENJOY listening to them! Though I may be a little homesick (and Jordan sick!), I am genuinely happy and having a good time! All of my classes are in the same general area (in fact, two of my classes in a row are in the same room!). I have been able to Skype with my family (even Chris!) and Jordan nearly every day! Though I had tons of homework last night, I was able to get most of it done (apart from some that I am about to do right now) and still get to bed by 11! Despite the very hot weather, cross country has actually been going pretty well, and I really really like my coach and all of the girls on the team! My car is in a lovely CORNER spot in a parking lot only like 100 yards away from my dorm building. All 4 of us girls in our suite do not have the desire to partake in underage drinking/partying so we don't have to worry about that! Kramer and I both have boyfriends so we don't have to worry about either of us wanting to go "find guys" or bring guys back or any of that. 

There are so many more ways I have seen God this week, and I could honestly list them all out, but it would take me far too long (and I do have some studying to do!). I appreciate everyone's prayers and I am just so excited to be here and I am really, truly thankful. Our God is SO good.

Much love!

LJ